best-laid plans

Excerpt from the Book Austerlitz by W.G. Sebald
http://www.randomhouse.com/boldtype/1201/sebald/excerpt.html


Austerlitz launched into a discourse of over two hours on the way in which, during the nineteenth century, the vision of model towns for workers entertained by philanthropic entrepreneurs had inadvertently changed into the practice of accommodating them in barracks just as our best-laid plans, said Austerlitz, as I still remember, always turn into the exact opposite when they are put into practice.

It was several months after this meeting in Liege that I came upon Austerlitz, again entirely by chance, on the old Gallows Hill in Brussels, on the steps of the Palace of justice which, as he immediately told me, is the largest accumulation of stone blocks anywhere in Europe. The building of this singular architectural monstrosity, on which Austerlitz was planning to write a study at the time, began in the 1880s at the urging of the bourgeoisie of Brussels, over-hastily and before the details of the grandiose scheme submitted by a certain Joseph Poelaert had been properly worked out, as a result of which, said Austerlitz, this huge pile of over seven hundred thousand cubic meters contains corridors and stairways leading nowhere, and doorless rooms and halls where no one would ever set foot, empty spaces surrounded by walls and representing the innermost secret of all sanctioned authority.

Two days being Nurse Dad

It is Tuesday afternoon and I'm slighty under par, but I have the two youngest Bode girls home from school poorly. Meredith is not very well either so she has stayed home from working at the Chester's so as not to get them sick too.

We have watched a number of episodes of Rugrats since about 1:00. Actually I haven't watched too close as I have done some cleaning up around here and some of the washing up.

Emily's self portraits

Where did my little girl go? 

Emily's self portraits

Innocent? 

An answer for my son, edited

Want to be happy? Really? I'm not so sure. Many people like being sad. Some people enjoy anger and envy Othere people look for gloom and depression. Still other people live off thrills, but mind you, they would not say they were happy. In fact many times great achievers and people who are highly productive find happiness very elusive.

It is interesting, that as a young man living in the UK, you would even note that you have much but are not happy. I'm not sure the pursuit of happiness is even a major part of British existence. Not because these people don't experience happiness but because they "just get on with it" as they say here.

America's founding fathers thought the pursuit of happiness was a right which should not be denied.

I believe myself that happiness, joy, contentment, fulfilment are all facets of one gem. This can only be gotten at great cost.

Matthew 13:44 "The Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure that a man discovered hidden in a field. In his excitement, he hid it again and sold everything he owned to get enough money to buy the field – and to get the treasure, too! 45 "Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a pearl merchant on the lookout for choice pearls. 46 When he discovered a pearl of great value, he sold everything he owned and bought it!

I once heard a story about a greedy monkey it went something like this:

I’m going to tell you how to catch a monkey. Just make a hole in a coconut big enough for a monkey’s hand to go in but not big enough for its clenched fist to come out. Put food in the coconut and tie it to a tree or something firmly planted in the ground. Lured by the food, the monkey will put his hand into the coconut and seize the food. When he does that, he would not be able to pull his hand out. Neither can he run away with the coconut since it is tied to a tree. Actually, he can easily free himself. All he has to do is to let go of the food. That's all. However, most monkeys would not do that. They’d rather struggle and struggle in vain. That is how the monkey allows himself to be caught by its own greed.

We are all greedy monkeys! So what holds us fast? What do we grip which we will not let loose of even to easily escape?

I think we must fasten our greed on nothing less than the approval of a God who loves us and gave himself for us. We must trust he wants our best and that obeying him will not only bring him pleasure but us fulfilment.

Daniel, let go of the rotten food in the coconut trap of this world and roam free among every other tree of the garden God has planted for you to enjoy. Don't sell your soul pursuing your own desire. Trust God. If you pursue his desires, in time you will know unfathomable happiness.

This was what the great mathimaticion, Blaise Pascal, wrote about in his thoughts called Pensees,

"God is, or He is not." But to which side shall we incline? Reason can decide nothing here. There is an infinite chaos which separated us. A game is being played at the extremity of this infinite distance where heads or tails will turn up... Which will you choose then? Let us see. Since you must choose, let us see which interests you least. You have two things to lose, the true and the good; and two things to stake, your reason and your will, your knowledge and your happiness; and your nature has two things to shun, error and misery. Your reason is no more shocked in choosing one rather than the other, since you must of necessity choose... But your happiness? Let us weigh the gain and the loss in wagering that God is... If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing. Wager, then, without hesitation that He is.
"That is very fine. Yes, I must wager; but I may perhaps wager too much."

Let us see. Since there is an equal risk of gain and of loss, if you had only to gain two lives, instead of one, you might still wager. But if there were three lives to gain, you would have to play (since you are under the necessity of playing), and you would be imprudent, when you are forced to play, not to chance your life to gain three at a game where there is an equal risk of loss and gain.

But there is an eternity of life and happiness. And this being so, if there were an infinity of chances, of which one only would be for you, you would still be right in wagering one to win two, and you would act stupidly, being obliged to play, by refusing to stake one life against three at a game in which out of an infinity of chances there is one for you, if there were an infinity of an infinitely happy life to gain. But there is here an infinity of an infinitely happy life to gain, a chance of gain against a finite number of chances of loss, and what you stake is finite. It is all divided; wherever the infinite is and there is not an infinity of chances of loss against that of gain, there is no time to hesitate, you must give all...

Posted 1/24/2006 at 2:57 PM by williambode

Watched but unrelated!?

I went to the doctor today at the Royal Hallamshire Hospital for a consultation with Dr. Jennifer Hill and further tests. They weighed me and measured my height. After waiting in various waiting rooms I was sent to have my breath capacity measured. Before I was sent off to out patient Phlebotomy I sat and waited for a bit before I was ushered into a room for the consultation. Dr. Hill asked me lots of the normal background questions about my family health history, smoking habits (I still don’t smoke although I did consider taking up an occasional pipe after the JRR Tolkin’s Lord of the Rings series but have decided I can go without smoking a few more years bearing in mind the present circumstances.) Dr. Hill’s manner was helpful. She said although they did find something in my left lung about half way down and toward the outer edge (which could be maybe between marble and walnut size I’m guessing), I didn’t have another x-ray today. She had about three or four sheets of x-rays like CT scan results each with about 9 or 12 smaller cross-sections of my abdomen. Each of the different slides like a traditional x-ray film was on a large lighted wall box for viewing x-rays. One slide showed things that were picked up because of the injection they had given me during the CT scan. But it was the more normal slide which showed the abnormal spot. The doctor said that since it wasn’t spiky or really very large it could be digital anomaly, scar tissue from some past illness, or a tumour. She said a group of doctors had met to look at it together and had decided it merited more scans and watching but they were pretty sure it wasn’t related to the paralysed vocal cord. But they are not happy with it either so they have advised that I come back in April for another CT scan and also to see better what the results of the blood and urine tests are. So I am going back to the ENT doctor (Tuesday, 21/02/06 9:00 AM) to see what the next step is going to be. It may be that he does some sort of cutting and looking operation. He said something like that before sending me to the chest specialist. I’m personally quite sure that my voice problem isn’t the old losing my voice problem. Since this summer I have had a very chronic voice fatigue which never seems to really get much better. Both times they did the laryngoscope (a procedure called direct laryngoscopy in which an instrument called a laryngoscope is inserted through the nose or mouth.) They saw that one of the vocal cords was not moving at all (paralysed). So now we are this quest to find out why it is not working and what to expect in the future and how to live with it in the present.

William and Lyssa 02-03-06 -05-03-06

Journey 1 : SHEFFIELD to LONDON ST PANCRAS Ticket Type: MML ADVANCE E Route: This ticket is only valid for travel on Midland Main Line services. Outward Journey: Thursday, 02/03/2006 departs SHEFFIELD at 09:27 travel by Train service provider MIDLAND MAIN LINE to station LONDON ST PANCRAS arrives 11:51 Journey 2 : LONDON ST PANCRAS to SHEFFIELD Ticket Type: MML ADVANCE E Route: This ticket is only valid for travel on Midland Main Line services. Outward Journey: Sunday, 05/03/2006 departs LONDON ST PANCRAS at 20:30 travel by Train service provider MIDLAND MAIN LINE to station SHEFFIELD arrives 00:01 02/03/2006 London Waterloo Int 14:13 - Bruxelles Midi 17:37 Eurostar 9138 Journey time 02h24 05/03/2006 Bruxelles Midi 11:01 - London Waterloo Int 12:27 Eurostar 9125 Journey time 02h26

WILLIAM BODE - Adult LYSSA BODE - Adult

ELLIKOM


Distance water: 1,5 km
Distance fishing: 4,0 km
Distance shopping: 2,0 km
Distance restaurant: 200 m
Holiday cottage, 55 m2
4 Person(s)
Built 1963
Renovated 1995
Laid out garden, 3550 m2
Parking space on the plot
Open and covered terrace
Energy not included


Outdoor swimmingpool
Stove
Colour television
Satellite
Radio and CD player
Video
Washing machine
Microwave oven
Freezer, 20 L
Kitchen: Hot and cold water
Gas-plates
Refrigerator
Coffee brewer

Floor plan:
2 Bedroom

1 Bathroom(s)
Shower and tub
Toilet: Hot and cold water

Extra:
Garden furniture and barbecue.

seeing Dr. Jennifer Hill

I have to go to the Hallamshire hospital for 2:00 at the out paitient desk on floor A to get instruction on a chest x-ray and other tests before seeing Dr. Jennifer Hill at 14:40 on Monday 23rd of January.

What is food?

Did you know Jews are not supposed to eat shrimp or prawns? The dietary rules of any culture are varied and interesting to say the least.
Should we eat brains? How about a cat? When are pets ok for food? Does that mean that it would be better to just be a Vegan? Eating only vegetables? What are some of the strangest things you have eaten?
What is off limits and why?
What is food?
Can I enjoy eating odd things?

An Update

Lyssa wrote:

This morning Bill saw the ear, nose and throat specialist again to discuss results of the CT scan. The doctor said there were some things that needed to be looked into. The vocal cord is still paralysed but there is not an obvious cause. The doctor looked into the area again this morning with a special camera on a probe and the tissue itself didn't look unhealthy. He explained that the nerves to the vocal cords come from different places in the chest area, so a problem along the nerve route could affect one or the other vocal cord. And the CT scan showed spots in the chest and lungs. So Bill is being referred as a priority case to a chest specialist. The doctor also took a needle biopsy this morning of a gland in the neck. The CT scan also showed some problems with some lymph glands but the doctor said these were not alarming.

The next steps at this point are:

Bill sees the chest specialist. He should hear about an appointment soon.

Bill is referred to a vocal therapist.

Bill has an appointment for 6 weeks from now with the same ear, nose and throat (ENT) specialist. Depending on the results from the chest specialist the ENT may do an exploratory procedure in his neck/throat under general anaesthesia.

On a dark and stormy...

It was a dark and stormy morning. First thing I could hear after the sweet tones of Lyssa saying, "Its time to get ready.", was the cold howl of the wind whipping down London road. Reading maps is a solitary past time and I notice nearly every village, town, or city has a London Road. After High Street it seems everyone wanted to know where London was and how to get there. As a matter of fact that's where I'm heading this Friday. In the five years I've been waking up on this Small Island in the Steel City I don't think I remember many mornings waking to the howl of the wind. Seven hills and five rivers seem to keep the wind at bay most of the time. I rolled back the covers and planned to head to the shower first thing which isn't my usual pattern but since I had to be at the hospital to hear whatever rather possibly dramatic sounding news I' figured a shower first thing may get me going faster. But alas one of my children had beat me to it. So I was compelled to ramble. Usually I am reading the Bible and commenting on what I read in my other Blog, www.xanga.com/williambode

Hamishire Hospital seems the better of the two big hospitals in Sheffield; For one it is within walking distance, secondly it has a rather tall building, which adds to the Sheffield profile. Lastly I can't think of a lastly.
So here is the scoop. I lost my voice most seriously in July. I often had problems with it before but this lastred longer than ever before in my life. In August I went to see a doctor and she said don't worry you just have a normal sore throat. I new since I had this problem for four weeks already it was not normal. The next day, I asked to see another doctor who although nice mostly just prescribed me some antibiotics and said that though I had swollen glands it wasn't anything most likely. I went back after two weeks on the anitbiotics and it wasn't realy much better and asked to see a ENT (Ear, Nose, throat specialist) Iasked fore tis finally in like Sept. and didn't get to see the Specialist till December. The specialist put a camera down my throat and basically said wow you have a parailysed vocal cord. since you only have two this makes it difficult. He asked have you been injured in the neck, have you had surgery in the neck, Have they workled on your thyroid and so on. I said no to all these becuase no was the right answer to respond with truthfully. so the doctor said you need a CT scan. I had that in the end of Dec. and then now in Jan I am going to hear the results. One of the reasons people's vocal cords stop working after all the ones mentioed before by virtue of the doc's questions is cancer and another is a virus. I have not found a lot about this virus which stops the vical cord from working. More seems to focus on the Cancer option. But they have not seemed in a hurry to tell me the news. I don't know what it all means. Except I still don't have a voice which functions normally and I'm going to the doctor to hear the news in a couple of hours and having to miss work to do it this morning only then to rush there to keep up with Student staff still being gone and class exams in the language labs.

Mr. Wonderful

My daughters bought me a rather funny gift for Christmas.
Each night I squeeze his hand and hope he says something appropraite for my wife.

Mr Wonderful Doll features 16 different phrases and is 12" tall. He's definitely the perfect man in doll form.

He's tall, dark and handsome. He has sensitive open book eyes, rakish good looks and impeccable fashion sense. Not only that, but he always has just the right thing to say to make you feel like the most special woman on earth.

His phrases include:

• You take the remote, as log as i'm with you, I don't care what we watch.
  
• You've been on my mind all day. That's why I bought you theese flowers.
  
• Why don't we go the the mall, didn't you want some shoes.
  
• You know honey, why don't you just relax and let me make dinner tonight.
  
• The ball game is not that important, I'd rather spend time with you.
  
• You know, I think it's really important that we talk about our relationship.
  
• Plus many more!

Röyksopp

I like what I hear but it isn't in the lifetime top ten like Third Day's Thief which is what I am listening to right now! But even so you may enjoy as I have
excerpt from http://www.royksopp.com/

After the inordinate success of their debut album, the electronic shot in the arm that was Melody A.M., Röyksopp could have easily rested on their laurels, be content to shine their halos and just knocked out Melody A.M. part deux.
Why just look at the riches that unfolded in the wake of that album's release in October 2001: 1,000,000 copies sold worldwide, 500,000 of them in the UK alone; tours with Basement Jaxx and Moby, not to mention headline tours of their own, culminating in two ecstatic nights at London's Somerset House and an appearance at Glastonbury; a Brit nomination for Best International Group; an MTV Europe Award for Best Video and remixes for A-list artists as disparate as The Streets, Coldplay and Felix Da Housecat.
Thankfully, Torbjörn Brundtland and Svein Berge belong in the aforementioned

Cutting the ribbon or was it the apron strings

Where to start?
That should be easy. We'll start with the fact that 2005 went out with a rearrangement of things that didn't fit well but might function better. We shall see. The options are quite limited but the front room has been turned around. This past week has admittedly had quite a bit of lounge time in it. And yet I am somewhat happy with things accomplished. As a good friend said recently, everyday is a new start. For me sometimes I need a new start a few times a day.

I mentioned I was read The King Beyond the Gate by David Gemmell and Just wanted to say again how I enjoyed it. I think I will get myself another in the series to read later.

Also I am trying to finish before Tuesday the middle book of the three book series based on the Halo game for the Xbox I read the Fall of Reach and First Strike and just have half of The Flood to finish so I can give it back to a work friend.


Some of you may know I am a Christian and it is the most important part of what makes me who I am. Each day I try to read God's Word in the Bible and comment on it. If you would like to read those thoughts and follow along with me check out my bible blog at http://www.xanga.com/williambode

Some friends recently loaned us a british tv comedy on DVD called 'ALLO 'ALLO. Meredith and I watched three episodes of it and laughed a bit.

Oh and I should mention too Bethany(my youngest daughter) and I watched every epispode of the Borrowers on Teleport TV/telewest's on-demand-pause-play-fastforward-rewind TV.


Did you know I liked tomato juice?

A freind got me a CD for Christmas and I didn't really take time to listen to it till yesterday and wow I quite like it! Royksopp